Stop Shivering

Stop Shivering

I want to die and I don’t want anyone to see me and I don’t want but I want something I want it all

I want to cry but I hurt too much to do it and I hate myself for existing so tenaciously and I

I am love beneath the mortar blood like wet mortar seeps and I can’t bear it not being able to see it I want

I want to drag a blade across my skin I want to bleed to death but no courage to press down you coward

Stop shivering I want to say but the trembles numb my mind my mouth feels like a swollen fruit

No way in to that garden no way out of Now If I could explode I would even if it meant they had to pick up 

the pieces

Line after line after line of madness and I sit here so calmly pill in the bottle as I don’t like surrendering

TRAPPED TRAPPED TRAPPED I feel I will scream and now there are some tears on this reflection I 

don’t like being Controlled I thought about starving myself to death but haven’t the conviction I thought 

about painting but I couldn’t I hadn’t the imagination I thought and found I was already dead nothing there I 

am a monster! Should be afraid

Of myself but I’m not there’s only anguish my legs and my arms stinging but it means nothing I don’t know what

It means and all of this is trapped inside me and I CAN’T STAND IT I can’t stand you and your casualness 

I can’t stand And don’t tell me to bloody crawl instead and I can’t listen to light because I am sick and none 

of this is helping at all Because I still want to do it and do it properly this time you have an obligation makes 

me sick I am sick with and of Guilt and you say I do it to you when I am the one when I am the one who 

lives it I want to stop it all and let the flood Gates loose I want to stop shivering and start screaming