It can be such a relief to cry! I've been holding it in all day at uni, with this fake smile plastered to my face. Today I actually prayed - yep, the atheist got down on her knees and prayed - to the universe or the collective consciousness or whatever - to ANYTHING - to please help me through this.
Why do I have to hurt so much? I don't know how many times I've asked that. I don't understand what or even who I am, and existence is just a huge jumbled, confused mess to me.
I think perhaps its time for yet another long hot bath, and maybe listen to that relaxation tape again.
Can I do all this again tomorrow? One thing at a time, its the only way to get through.
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