Gateways

The romance in my soul seems to be dwindling. I used to have words and songs pouring always from my heart. Lately, that muscle has been cool and silent. I can't feel things the way I used to. I can't remember the taste of real hope.
How is it possible to be doing fine, yet be so empty? I feel as though I have been reconstructed out of portable stone.

~Tam~

Down the Rabbit Hole

I can't help thinking that I'm dead. That I died and just went on existing, somehow. No matter how hard I try to find solid ground, a steady grasp of reality, things are always shifting, shifting. I don't like it. I don't like being like this, in this state.

(screenshot from the game "Alice Madness Returns" - which I have never played btw)

~Tam~

Gone Potty

Exams next week... gahh so much study to do! So mad at myself for letting myself get so behind... but hey, what's new lol. On the upside, it's the last semester of my degree! yippee!! I think I may have to go do an extra honours year in science, but first I'm going to take a year to concentrate on flute performance and see if anything comes of it. If not, well at least I tried by best, and then I'll know that I was meant to follow the science pathway rather than music.

I'm kind of glad it's study break, because I can work entirely from home (while snuggling my doggy) and don't have to go into uni. I'm feeling a bit flat - I think I've been hypomanic recently actually. My SO tried to tell me I was, but I didn't believe him. But yeh I spent a SH*T load of money :/ like I went out every day and bought lots and lots of plants and pots for the garden...  spent $100's that I didn't really have, and I was just really active and, as my SO put it, "not normal."
But I only realise that now I've come down again, I'm kind of sad and I SH'd yesterday.. I still haven't learned how to prevent that, I feel like I NEED to do it, I'm so desperate for the relief it brings. But anyway, I'm going okay really and coping with most stuff, so now I just need to stay focussed on my study, and prepare for exams.

I can do it!!

In the meantime, here are some wolfhound pictures, because, as we all know, Irish Wolfhounds are the best dogs EVER:

^'The Viking's Daughter' - by Herbet Dicksee

glass art, Diana Goddess of the hunt (I don't know who it's by)

~Tam~

Rainy Thoughts, Sunny Days

....
See the people standing there who disagree and never win 
And wonder why they don't get in my door 
I'm painting my room in the colourful way 

And when my mind is wandering 
There I will go 
And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong I'm right 
Where I belong I'm right 
Where I belong. 
...
 - lyrics from Beatles, 'Fixing a hole'

'Rainy Fantasy' by Natalja Picugina

~ Tam

PS. I wish it really WOULD rain, it's so darn hot in Western Australia at the moment!