Paper airplanes with Marchetti

Haven't posted for a few days again, been doing a lot since my last post... the weekend just gone I was in Geraldton with A., playing (in our flute/voice & guitar duet) for the annual Reader's and Writer's Festival. I think it went very well, we got lots of really appreciative feedback which was lovely! Also everyone seemed to really like my singing, of which I was pleasantly surprised lol, since I always kind of maintain that I'm not a "real" singer. Though I guess for folk music I do have the right type of (alto) voice. A., did a really great job too.

While I was there I experienced really terrible anxiety though, like I couldn't really talk to anyone, despite copious amounts of beta-blockers and oxazepam consumption lol. I was surrounded by all these fantastic Australian writers and I couldn't say a word to them. I was at the same dinner table as Marlina Marchetti, author of "Looking for Alibrandi", "Saving Francesca," etc, but I never even spoke to her! Omg fail, epic fail!

One pretty funny thing, though, when we were at this classy gourmet dinner, I was getting really bored despite my anxiety, and I made a paper airplane out of my name label on the table. Anyway the wife of one of the authors noticed, and thought it was a great idea, and then the entire table ended up making paper airplanes (including Marchetti) and we all went into the corridor and had a competition of whose paper plane would go the furthest. A. thought all this was hilarious, he said "trust you to start something like that, Tam", although I have a suspicion that the amount of wine consumed by the authors may have had something to do with it. Still, it makes a pretty good story.

Maybe I'll get to play at the festival again next year and I wont feel like I'm dying inside, and may actual be able to speak to people about books and writing and making a career, since its like my dream.

So we got back to Perth sunday night, and I had a presentation on a scientific paper on Monday for pharmacology!! I was sooo nervous as I had had basically no time to prepare!! I just kind of went and winged it, but I was nervous and talked fast and stumbled over my words a bit, same old lol. I was happy to find out that I managed a 70% in my mid-semester test despite not opening a book before hand. It was only multi-choice, so I'm  thinking some lucky guessing played a part in this.

Today I felt bad and very anxious and sad again, I got all uptight and worried about centrelink stuff, and finding out they will be cutting  back my payment now that I'm registered in a de-facto relationship again. I wish I was rich and did not have to worry about money.

I was being weird and reminiscent today. Instead of studying I've been mostly reading an old copy of "The Thornbirds" I found in Jen's desk. I've seen the movie, but never read it before. The way Meggie feels about Ralph, and the idea of glimpsing the magic but never being able to have it... made me cry!! There's so much emptiness in life and it seems that we bring it upon ourselves!

Maybe I'll repeat that sentiment at group therapy tomorrow, or advise everyone (again) not to fall in love with a devout religious person. From all I've heard, read and experienced, it always ends badly lol.

Anyway, its nice to be able to relax a bit after all the stressful things that have been happening, although I am behind in my lectures, I need to listen to a couple online to catch up. I should really stop writing this blog post  and listen to them now!

So, until next time...