BIG SCARE!! and naked body art

On Sunday night I had a massive scare...

One of my friends from my MI peer support group sent a message on fb saying "Can you take me to the hospital???" just like that, without saying what was wrong! I couldn't get hold of them after that, they went offline and my phone was broken (I'd dropped it earlier and lost the battery) so I didn't have his number to ring. I'd also forgotten the address (I am completely retarded when it comes to directions) so I couldn't drive there. Well I full-on panicked, all I could think about was What if he overdosed, or is really ill and has passed out or something, and I'm the only person that knows?? So I fb messaged everyone I could think of trying to get his contact details, no-one had them! I ran in to my housemates room shrieking "What do I do???" lol, and he was like, okay Tam, calm down, call the police and tell them everything you know, it's all you can do. So I dialed emergency and spoke to someone. Afterwards I frantically continued talking to everyone on fb to see if they could remember anything, address etc. I kept envisioning the cops breaking into my brothers house, and them and my Mum finding my brother dead on the couch...
Anyway so I embarked on a mad search for my mobile phone battery, which my housemate eventually found underneath a piece of furniture! So I called the number of the friend (who'd asked for the lift to the hospital) and he wasn't answering, which increased my panic! I went to ring the police again to tell them I had his number now, when the friend rang me back. He said: "I'm okay, I'm in hospital because I had a reaction to something, was vomiting and passing out." Omg the relief that went through me that he was okay...
I mean, horrible that he was sick, but omg I thought I was going to be responsible for my friend being dead for having a shit sense of direction.Scariest night ever! Well I rang back the police and let them know what had happened, and that he was fine. *Big sigh of relief!* The friend is back at home now and says he's feeling much better, thank goodness.

So, moving on to less dramatic matters... today I wrote a little in an exercise book while I was at uni, so I might as well chuck that here on the blog:

"Today has been a better day. I could deal with it if it was always like this! My pharm lab was easy, for once. But I had an embarrassing moment when I was washing my hands and my lab partner, C., saw my SI marks and asked "What happened to your arms??" Gah, should have known that question would come from someone at some point. Well I've actually become quite friendly with C. over the year and she already knows about my bipolar, so I just answered: "Oh, you know... just my emotional problem stuff." She seemed a bit shocked and kind of went "OH," with her eyes wide, but didn't say anything else about it. Later on she came and got a coffee with me, so she must still want to be my friend lol. Could have been worse!"

I forgot to add when I wrote this, that my Mum turned up unexpectedly at my house this morning because she knew that I'd been quite depressed lately.. thing was I was just getting ready and had to rush off to my pharmacology lab! So she drove all that way for nothing.. :/ Came home tonight to find that she'd cleaned up all of this mess that was in my room, and done all the dishes (thanks Mum!)

Tonight I haven't been able to sleep, I lay in bed for hours with no luck, so I ended up getting up to write this blog. A_ said "are you a bit manic" just because I suggested we paint our own naked bodies with acrylics (in a non-kinky way). I don't think I am, I still feel very sad, I cried tonight when I got home, just sat in the car and cried, for no reason. What's new lol. And considering I spent the last week hardly moving out of my bed, I'd say definitely not manic, although today has been a better day in comparison. I think I will ring my pdoc tomorrow, I really can't stand hurting so much anymore. I was trying to explain to A_ about my self-harming, that it just gets to the point where I hurt so much inside, relentless pain, that I just can't stand it, I have to do SOMETHING or I will break. He never really answers when I try to talk to him about these things, maybe he just doesn't know what to say.

Anyway, I better go before this turns into a novel...

~Tam~