The Fair

Today was actually a lovely day, although tiring!!

Went to the fremantle fair (the one promoting mental health awareness), and managed to drag along my sister, brother-in-law and the kids and my mum. As well as some great information stalls, there was also lots of fun entertainment for the kids including a big rock-climbing wall (with a harness!) which my 13yr-old nephew totally aced of  course! :P and face-painting, t-shirt print painting... etc! And the live music was fantastic. There was a two-man foke band - banjo and violin - who were amazing. I think next time I will have to sign up me and my SO to play some of our own foke music on flute and guitar.
So after all this fun, we also went to check out the Indian Food Fair that was on at the same time, and had a really delicious lunch!! yummmm I love vegetarian curries and tadka dahl and samosa and all that stuff sooo much! :) omnomnom. Oh and I brought N-dog along to this, on a lead of course, and he was sooo good all day!! He drew a lot of attention, being a huge white wolfhound and all, be he was awesome and let people and kids pat him and stuff no problems. nawww luv that dog. Can't wait for his "assistant dog in-training" jacket to come in the male eeeee, then I can officially take him ANYWHERE I go, how awesome is that!

This afternoon A. came with me for a jog to the beach (since we are trying to get fit for the HBF run). Was so tired by tonight! Some of my stress/anxiety seems to have dissipated.

Well I better go, I'm exhausted and need sleeeeep before tomorrow, I have a test at uni :/ but I studied a fair bit tonight, I think I should do okay.

Well goodnight!

~Tam~

Doggie Brothers!!

What is it about me that makes me feel so empty, so often? :/  This weekend I've just kind of felt like.... nothing. Mostly blank, otherwise anxious. Had an appointment with my (relatively new) psychiatrist and psycologist at freo outpatients clinic, and I found it really difficult to get through both appointments - I was so anxious!! I have been really uptight and on edge lately, especially socially, like I'm kind of terrified of all people who aren't my SO. It's ridiculous I know, but gah!! I do not know how to act in front of people when I do not feel like a person! I'm thinking: "okay act normal", but then I also think "what the hell is normal? How do I do normal?" If I relaxed and acted like I felt, as psychologist kind of said, I'd be a zombie staring blankly at the wall hardly blinking and not responding to anything. wtf, this is damn awful!
Well, tomorrow (Sunday) I am going to a fair in Freo which is to promote mental health awareness, check out the poster if you're interested in coming yay. I hope I will not be too anxious being in the freo crowd. My Mum's coming so I have to deal with her slightly manic over-enthusiasm too (*groan).

But anyway, highlight of the day: I went for a lovely long walk along the beach with Napolean, and you wouldn't believe who we found!! It was an IDENTICAL Napolean except for the colour, more of a traditionally "wolfhound" greyish-brindle colour. I was like "OMG WOLFHOUND!!!" And the owner of the dog was like OMG WHERE DID U GET UR DOG, and when I said I rescued him from the SAFE organisation, he said ME TOO!! and then we went on to realise that our dogs were of same age, and both had a white father.... they were probably brothers!! I have a photo that someone from SAFE gave me, of Napolean and his brother when they were pups! Such a coincidence, I'm sure I'll see them walking some time since I'm often down at the dog-beach.

So there we go, my day did have a bit of excitement in it :) Dogs are the best. Ever.



Napolean (the white one) and his brother as pups nawwwww:

~Tam~

Adopt Dena!!

Just a quick note - will write properly later -

I'm currently fostering a gorgeous ridgeback x girl, if anyone around Perth/Fremantle would be interested in adopting. She's listed on gumtree

http://www.gumtree.com.au/s-ad/perth-region/dogs-puppies/beautiful-female-ridgeback-x-available-for-adoption/1015930767

(I'm fostering for SAFE - Saving Perth Animals From Euthanasia)


Picture Below: (Dena is the brown one, the white one is Napolean, whom I own :)

Nawww aren't they cute??

~Tam~

Sculptures and Nude Swimming

Ablahblahblah. Feeling a bit weird lately... My S.O. got some bad news about an internship he applied for in America, turns out he didn't get to go :( So he's been in a really bad mood, not in a really explicit way but this kind of undertone "nastiness" thing he does, it's really awful. Like little subtle inflexions and cold-shouldering stuff, and when I ask him a question he answers in this flat monotone. It's f*king annoying, and makes me feel awful! I cry in private everytime he does it! Had a talk to him today asking can you look out for me a bit as am feeling a little down, which worked a little but he's still pretty shitty.
Boy he really can be a bit of an A**hol sometimes - but so wonderful other times! (Gah, MEN.)

Anyway, today was a really unproductive day... tried to do some reading for uni and just couldn't concentrate... hang on, okay I'll make a list of things I actually DID:

- ate and showered
- fed dog, picked up his poo in yard (ew),
- attempted to put drops in N-dog's eye from vet but he goes psycho when I try so I gave up
- walked N-dog with the S.O.
- vacuumed games room

....... OH, and created the MOST AMAZING work of art ever .....

I don't have a camera right now but I'll try and describe it:

I got two strong cardboard boxes, right, and I arranged them to make a "table" which I then covered in material from an old long skirt of mine, as a quasi "table cloth". I then stuck and old rusting wok on the table along with all these old kitchen utensils and stuff, like can-opener, egg beater, egg carton, spoons, cups etc etc but I arranged them all to have a lot of gender-role significance.
So it represented the domestic wife, whose job was to cook, clean and make babies (the egg whisker and cartons) and I used all these fallic symbols, like the can-opener straddling the handle of the wok, and a pointy piece of wood in the shape of chopsticks penetrating the egg carton. There was also an old watch and a feather, to show how the woman's dreams had all slipped away with time (becoming a wife and mother etc) and a plastic cocktail cup with a fancy straw and sunnies to represent her fantasizing about being free in a luxurious location away from all her responsibilites.

I mean, how amazing is all this! It's pitch black in the games room right now (no light in there) so I'll take a picture of my sculpture tomorrow and post it on here. Oh yeh and it's called "TABLE EIGHT"
because the tag on the skirt I used for the table-cloth read exactly that: "table eight", which must be the brand I guess!
Pretty cool huh?

S.O. was like WTF, and the housemate looked at the fallic symbols and went: "you need to get laid", but I thought it was quite artistic!

OH I almost forgot, I fulfilled one of my life ambitions the other night. I can't remember if I even wrote it on here already, but the other night SO's brother stayed over at our place, and at about midnight I said: "Hey guys, lets go swimming at the beach!!!" they were like WTF it's midnight, but I convinced them. We took the dog and went to the dog beach, in the pitch black. Well when we got in the water I went: "OMG LETS SWIM NAKED!!!" And both SO and his brother said "NO. NONONO." - Boring, right?! Well, I wasn't letting them ruin this oppertunity to finally go nude swimming, so I took bathers off and was like "WOO!!! THIS IS SO LIBERATING!!!!" I tried to convince them to swim naked also, but they wouldn't. SO's brother was a bit freaked out by all this.

N-dog, on the other hand, had a great time, and ran up and down the beach and even got in the water to swim, which he hardly ever does because he sometimes panics when it gets deep.

Anyhoo, so how weird am I, I feel quite sad and low, but then I do random shit like nude swimming and sculpture-making out of kitchen utensils. Maybe I'm just insane..... Oh wait, yeh that's already been certified :)

To all you fellow nutters out there xx


~Tam~

The Bipolar Owner of a Polar Bear Dog!!

Wow I have not written on here in almost 2 months...

I guess on a quick update, I went through this dramatic period of moving house, getting extreme anxiety and panic attacks, and eventually overdosing on oxazepam in a suicide attempt :/ Can't believe I  did that, how entirely stupid!! But I am completely fine, and am doing really good now. All it bought me was a couple of days unconscious in freo emergency department, and a trip to Bunbury psychiatric hospital - the only place that a bed was available!

So the Dr there (who was a real assho* by the way) said I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and basically berated me for "doing this to my family and friends." Um, I didn't do it to anyone. I didn't even really do it to myself - I was sick, I had no idea what I was doing!! Omg I can't stand people like that :/ It was awful.

But anyway, now I'm seeing this psychiatrist in Fremantle out-patients, and after talking with me for an hour he basically went: "I completely disagree with the borderline diagnosis, you do not fit the DSM criteria nor do you present with the personality type of a borderline. You are bipolar." I said "THANKYOU, because my long-term psychiatrist says the exact same thing that you've just told me, and has written to freo to complain and say that she's adamant I have bipolar disorder.

I tend to agree with them because

1. I am definitely not promiscuous, and have only ever had sex with one person in my entire life (my partner of 5 years whom I am still curently with)

2. I do not have unstable relationships with others, nor do I get explosive and angry

3. I was absolutely NOT abused as a child, which is common in borderlines

So basically the only traits of borderline I have are unstable mood and self-harm, which are part of bipolar anyway. So I think they just saw a young girl with scars on her arms who overdosed  and ASSUMED I therefor MUST be Borderline.

You know one thing that really pissed me off? The Dr at Bunbury said to me: "You're obviously a very intelligent young girl, a musician and a university student. So what are you doing here?"
I was like ummmm... how am I meant to answer that?
What are you doing here? How the f*ck should I know? I guess I have a f*cking disorder - you thing I want to be fucking manic then depressed and suicidal most of the time???


Oh yeh but anyway, look at my new dog, I got him from a rescue shelter. He is a BIG white Wolfhound cross, 18mths old. His name is Napolean. He was so scared and anxious when we first got him but now he luuuuuvvvvs us :D and we luv him nawww xoxoxoxo

PS My aim in life is now to become a crazy dog lady with like 5 huge dogs destroying my home and trying to stand on my head like Napolean does.

~Tam~

Got a tattoo!!

Got this done today, here is how it is looking tonight!! Great job done by Ree from Primitive Tattoo Studio in Perth (WA). yayy!

It's the face of a dryad/wood nymph. When I was a kid I was obsessed with fairies and nymphs, and I still have the complete Narnia series on my bookshelf X) Yay for childhood and magic that lasts forever!!

Also, we are moving into our new rental this weekend, exciting but hard work! AND, we are going to see this giant white wolfhound at a petrescue center which we are hoping to adopt! So much happening... Need to gather energy for the rest of the weekend...

~Tam~

House Hunting Nightmares

Well, my blogging thing has totally fallen flat over the past few months, so here I am attempting to pick things back up again. The new year has been really stressful as my house-lease ends on the 15thJan (my sister's family is returning from travel  and they will want their home back)....
so I've been searching frantically for another place to rent.
My housemate J_ is away on holiday, and A_ is one of the most laziest and generally disinterested people I've ever known. Yet I still love him for some reason *sigh. So this means that I've had to organize the house-search alone, although I did manage to get A_ to come to most of the viewings. Problem is, around the area we need to be in, the competition is EXTREME. Every place we looked at had at least 30 couples applying... I felt like crying every time we turned up and the entire block was packed with cars of the people who'd come to apply. I mean there's really no point applying, they are not going to choose young students over a family or full-time workers. gahhhhh

Well we did apply for this place in Hamilton Hill - it's not ideal location wise, bit far from uni. But its still close to Fremantle so we'd be nearby my sister and the kids, which would be great. Also the house is near a lake reserve and also the beach, and the property had a good-size enclosed yard and allowed pets (I'm thinking of adopting a companion dog soon). I think we might actually have been the only current applicants, so I'm PRAYING that we might have a chance for that one - we are supposed to be hearing back from them today.
The other house we applied for is in Como, which is a really great location, but there were soooo many applicants so I really don't think we have much of a chance.

Omg its all so stressful, the house is an absolute mess too, but it feels weird to be packing without an actual place to move too!! I think some divine intervention is required right now.... :P





~Tam~