Old Dreams, New Paths, Same Dog :D

Stopped blogging a long time ago... and now decided to start back up as way to start writing again and get all of the 'noise' out of my head.

So tonight is just a simple recap....

I'm past 2 years on testosterone now, and I've switched to Reandron, which is a 3-monthly shot in the butt-cheek . It's fucking painful though 😂I've finally booked a top-surgery consultation with a surgeon, but still saving up for the actual surgery (isn't cheap!) I work full-time at the moment as a Sleep Scientist in a hospital which mostly involves wiring people up, analysing their sleep, and also treating people with sleep apnoea (which mostly means trying to convince them they need to wear a mask on their face when they sleep for the rest of their life).

I really miss music, although I do still play in the WA Charity Orchestra. Sadly I never achieved the dream of getting a professional orchestral position, although I'm technically still on WA Symphony Orchestra's casual list. If 20+people die all at once I might have a shot at getting a gig 😂😢😢Yeh, my heart hurts and I'll forever have many regrets about not taking the right path or putting in the amount of effort required at the right time. But you know, that's life., shit happens along the way and we do the best we can.

I'm renting alone at the moment because I was done with the steady stream of insane housemates. It's just me and the best dog in the world, Napolean. I tried twice to adopt a second dog; the first one was really aggressive toward poor Napolean, the second one completely trashed and destroyed the house and garden to an unbelievable level on a daily basis. Seriously that dog cost me 1000's until I eventually couldn't take it any more and re-homed him. So now its just us two.

This has all meant that I've really struggled to save any money despite working fulltime. Not to mention I lose about a third of each pay in Australian Tax and uni hecs fee repayment. Considering attempting another housemate, so if you know anyone relatively normal and drama-free, hmu.

I'm also completely psychiatric-medicine-free. I eventually came off the antidepressants too, which means I no longer feel emotionless and phased-out all the time, thank dog, and I'm coping fine without any pharmacalogical help. never thought i'd be in a position to say that, but it's true!

Transitioning has been the best thing that's ever happened to me (apart from adopting Napolean, obviously). I'm a little lonely, and still can't help sometimes thinking about the shit-storm that was my breakup with ex-fiance a couple of years ago, and I'm not sure I'll ever properly get my head around the fact that he quickly married someone else.  It's not like I'd every want to re-enter a relationship with him or anything, it's just a weird upheavel of what I thought my future would be like, which turned out to be completely stomped on and flipped, you know?  I've dated a little bit since then but nothing stuck. Got an excellent bunch of friends though, so I'm all good for now really.

I kind of believe that saying that 'we choose our own happiness', but it's not always easy to convince yourself you are completely content when the dreams in your head just didn't pan out. I suppose theres always room for new dreams, new pathways to take.

~Tam~