Shitty morning

I'm sitting here in bed snuggled up to my two dogs. My housemate is probably going to have a fit when he finds out they're inside, but I'm just going to tell him to F_ off. I needed them, and its raining outside.

A couple of nights ago I dreamt I was crawling up the side of this steep mountain, but I was so absolutely exhausted that my limbs would hardly move... I was straining and straining until I was sure I couldn't go any further. But there was someone there beside me, egging me on, saying that I only thought I couldn't go on, and that if I believed I could do it I would. I was trying to listen to them, and to make myself believe that I had more energy, but my limbs were so heavy...
I woke up here, so I don't know if I reached the top of the mountain or not - or maybe I'm still climbing in my waking life?? (woah so deep man haha).



Exams are over, and my choir went to gingin yesterday for a small performance, which was fun. What was not fun was waking up this morning to find the neighbour at the front door yelling at me because my dog Blair had jumped the fence despite the blockade I put there, and was running up and down the street barking at people. The lady was really mean, like really yelling at me and abusing me it was awful. I tried to be respectful and I apologised and explained that we'd adopted her, and she had some anxiety problems, but we were in the process of buying a boundary collar which would prevent her escaping. But the lady didn't listen just yelled over me and eventually stormed off.

I was really shaken up, so I made some coffee and as it was freezing and about to rain outside I let Napolean sit in the kitchen under the table while I drank it. But of course my housemate J. came in and had a fit because the dog was inside, and dragged him out. Then he started going on at me for leaving one of the lights on in the house: he's like: "If you're going to get up at midnight, can you at least turn the lights off after yourself?" I was so upset already that I didn't even point out that I  hadn't got up at "midnight", I'd got up in the morning when it was still quite gloomy so I put the light on. He can be a bit of a prat sometimes. To make matters worse, as I was sitting at my laptop looking up dog wireless boundary collars, my SO comes and was acting all shitty and saying we didn't need to get a boundary collar, and I was getting more and more wound up. We made up,  but I went in the shower and cried for a long time. I also started to cut myself with scissors but I stopped because I remember what my pschologist said about SH as a way to avoid what your feeling rather than accepting your emotions and moving through them. So I tried some mindfulness techniques, and concentrated on the feel and the sound of the water in the shower, and tried to breath slowly, but I still couldn't stop crying.

Then I brought my dogs into my room and have been snuggling with them, which is very comforting :) A.(my SO) just came in and said that housemate J bitched to him about my having the dogs in, and said he was adamantly against letting them inside. A. explained to him that he was letting me have the dogs in when I needed them and was doing his best not to let it effect J. Which in truth be told, it doesn't effect J. in the slightest, I mean they are not in his room, and are rarely in mine for that matter, so I basically think J. can get f*kd. A. also told J. that he really upset me this morning, and rather than berrating me for minor crap could of at least asked me if I was okay after that bitch lady yelled at me. Too true, J. If you don't like living here, then Fk off and get out. 

End rant.

Tam + Dogs 4eva <3 <3


~Tam~