I was wondering, today. Just wondering. Nay, I kid, what I was wondering was this: What is "healthy"? What would make a person at optimal health? How would they feel?
I imagine one would feel alive, and absolutely there. The only times I've felt those things is while manic-as-hell, which isn't the "healthiest" state to be in, as its dangerous and impulsive. I haven't had a manic episode for over a year and a half. I've almost completely forgotten what it feels like, to be so wonderfully alive. To actually enjoy each moment - why can't I enjoy the moments any more?
All I want to do is escape the living, so I watch movies and read books and play games to try and dull out the world outside... or is it to try and dull the world inside?
~Tam~
There's something about living, about waking up in your own skin carrying on that has a way of dulling everything. Finding the beauty is such an effort and it takes absolute effort. I hope that you find a way to live that works. Often times I wonder the same. What's good? I know it's not what I came from and it's closer to where I am. Maybe it's just enjoying my best friend jumping on me in bed when I'm trying to sleep in because she's there and I'm not alone. Maybe it's getting a great work out in after a long day of work, mom calling to tell me she loves me, having a good class, or someone simply telling me I made their day. Maybe life is a lot of little mundane things that we're supposed to learn to see as beautiful. I don't have all the answers, but I do know that you're a wonderful person and you always make my day with your comments. Smile love.
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