"Hey Mum,
I wanted to write an email because I've been feeling a bit upset since our last phone call as you've been seeming a bit passive/aggressive lately.
In particular, when I tried to tell you about a new person I'd started dating you made all these remarks about "what do asexuals even do with each other" and then when I tried to explain we just act like a normal couple you kept talking over me saying "I don't want to hear it I'm going now". This is really confusing, as I don't understand how you could possibly be disgusted by my ... not doing any sexual acts?? How is that in anyway something shameful? You also kept saying that romance isn't real without sex which pretty much invalidates any relationship I've previously had, and makes my emotions or love for other people totally invalid.
I think sometimes you just say this stuff without thinking, but it's actually really hurtful and thoughtless, and I end every conversation with you feeling like somehow I should be really ashamed of myself although I'm not sure exactly what for.
I don't know why you feel the need to do that or say those kind of things constantly then act like I shouldn't be upset about them. I'd NEVER put someone down over their gender or sexual orientation (or lack thereof).
I love you Mum and I know you've supported me financially and in lots of ways, but it'd be so awesome to be able to be really close and to be able to really talk to each other while maintaining respect. In fact I'd love so much to be able to do that! <3
I've been working so hard on gaining confidence and being okay with myself, and obviously this next couple of years will be a struggle but a continuation of that growth. Part of that is really trying to let go of many years of guilt and shame over what I am or aren't so I can just be me and be happy. I have realised that when other people make you feel bad it's usually a reflection of their own issues and insecurities they need to work out. I think if each of us was truly okay with ourselves we would feel no need to put anyone down or judge anyone else.
Anyway I know this was a bit long, but I love you a lot and really need you, especially after losing ( ex-), who was (I had thought anyway) the one person who offered unconditional and non-judging support while we were together.
But yeh I reckon you should try and go to that support group event I emailed to you before if you are able to, as I think it would be really helpful to talk to other parents (and health professionals) about gender-diverse family members. Personally I don't think it's that hard to just love someone for who they are and not worry about/support their gender and sexual identity. Everyone is different and we're meant to be! Once society stops judging people for those things there'll be much less depression, anxiety, suicide and multitude of other issues. No person is 'wrong' or 'broken' or should be ashamed!
Love you a tonne,
Tam xoxoxoxo"
