Bad Dreams

I find it really difficult to write anything these days. I spend so much time trying to distract myself from how I really feel.. but writing brings it out, it just really hurts. But maybe that's what I need to do. Maybe if I write just a little, every day, I can slowly sort through it all. I mean, when you have suppressed emotions, you don't have to let it out all at once, right? If I did that, I'd probably kill myself with the pain of it. So, a little at a time it is. I remember my old psychologist saying: "try and allow yourself to feel the pain, really feel it, even if it's only for a couple of seconds. Then, if it's too much to bear, distract yourself from it again. Practise doing this, "letting" yourself feel it, and you will slowly learn that you are able to survive the pain. It will cease controlling you."

So much easier said than done, though, isn't it? It's terrifying, trying to allow yourself to face that dark emptiness, to look straight at it, even for a second. I'm afraid that, if I do, I'll fall into that void and never climb out again.


This song by "Phantogram" reminded me of me own avoidance techniques.


BAD DREAMS (by Phantogram)

Bad dreams never affect me 
I’m not afraid of the concrete 
Bad dreams never affect me 
I’m not afraid of the concrete

I’m not doing this all in fun 
I just gotta go
I’m not doing this all in fun 
Just say goodbye 
Baby you’ve got soul

To changing me
And I believe this happened once before 
To changing me
And I predict the world will be all gone 
To changing me
And I can see the same things that you see 
To changing me
‘Cause I predict the world

Bad things never neglect me 
I’m just a scene in a movie 
Bad thoughts never arrest me 
I’m just a flash in a memory

To changing me
And I believe this happened once before 
To changing me
And I predict the world will be all gone 
It’s a shame you never knew it
And I can see the same things that you see 
It’s a shame you never knew it 
‘Cause I predict the world

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPW2QcJI5yk






~Tam~