imaginaryness

Help me help me help me I am getting sad again, how do I make it stop?? Damn this.

I was doing so well! And now that all the stressors are over and I can "relax", I start to hurt inside my chest again for no reason that I can tell.

Or maybe I can tell. I keep feeling like my relationship with my SO is sort of lacking in a way that can't be fixed. It's the freaking APATHY to everything and everyone, its driving me insane, not having a proper emotional connection.

I know I feel this emptiness wayyy more when I'm not well, and these thoughts usually go away when I'm happy. I suppose I am the one with the problem? And  am a shitty judge, because the other person I "fell in love with" due to a "deep emotional connection" up and ditched me as soon as I became a real person with complications, and not just a fantasy.

I don't know why everything has to be imaginary. I just want to be happy, why do I feel so empty, so desperate??

~Tam~